


when we find some time alone

by meronicavars



Series: loving you alone [1]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Mentions of Violence, but i mean considering the finale how tf long do u think that's gonna last lmao, except for the super secret relationship, mention of lee's miscarriage, mentions of jim/lee lee/mario ed/lee and sofia/jim, non-linear, sofia falcone is a lesbian and them's the facts, super fucking non-linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meronicavars/pseuds/meronicavars
Summary: Lee doesn’t know how she isn’t able to hide something so simple as her lingering fondness for Jim from Ed, but she is able to hide Sofia from the world.





	when we find some time alone

**Author's Note:**

> idfk man but i take this headcanon so seriously that i'm like wow in s5 when everyone finds out about this shit is gonna get so fucking real.
> 
> i wrote most of this half asleep, but i just wanted to finish it and post it bc i have a lot of feelings in my lil gay heart.

Lee surprises herself sometimes, taken aback by who she’s become. She’s not entirely sure if it was completely thrust upon her by any particular incident, or if it was as gradual and slow as it feels. She knows she’s not the same person as she was two and a half years ago, when she moved down south, but she knows parts of herself are the same. It’s the same anger and hurt, only amplified. It’s the same intelligence and cleverness, only used in ways that is both admirably righteous and less than so. She has the same face, the same smile, the same body, but they’re painted, used, felt differently now. And it feels good.

Lee doesn’t know how she isn’t able to hide something so simple as her lingering fondness for Jim from Ed, but she is able to hide Sofia from the world. This is the biggest difference and what feels the best in the change: Sofia. A secret that started as something she wanted for herself, without the world knowing and moving in on it; something that only either of them could sabotage. It turned into a secret kept out of necessity; the Falcone name, Lee’s reputation, the simple move into a relationship with Mario (and Mario never did find out; by that time Lee and Sofia had ended their sexual relationship, but the emotional aspect kept on just as passionate and palpable). And then the secret was a plan; a plan to win and destroy and at the end either come out on top or find solace somewhere far away. 

The best way to keep this secret was to carry on relationships outside and then come back to one another, unspent, bored, needy, knowing only it’s only one another who can completely undo and put them back together again. Secrets are difficult and exhausting, but sneaking around is hot--something Lee never really believed before Sofia, but something she tells her constantly now. 

 

“Jim’s a good kisser, isn’t he?” Lee says, kissing down Sofia’s chest, settling on her sternum, teasing at the dip between her breasts.

“If I imagine he’s a woman maybe,” Sofia replies, breathing heavy. “If I imagine he’s you.”

Lee looks up and smirks, and then slides a hand up and cups Sofia’s breast.

“He’s good, trust me,” Lee says and Sofia gasps as Lee rubs her thumb over her nipple. “Passionate. All-encompassing.”

“Please stop talking about him,” Sofia says, a hint of laughter in her voice.

“I like it when you’re jealous,” Lee says into her skin and moves down to kiss languorously at Sofia’s stomach, her hand tracing down her breast and over her ribs now.

“Last time I checked I’m the one kissing him,” Sofia says, and slides her fingers into Lee’s hair as Lee licks down until her teeth are tugging at the band of Sofia’s underwear. “Fu--fuck, Lee, tell me… tell me who you’re seducing… if you wanna make me jealous.”

“No one right now,” Lee says. “But I could.”

Sofia pulls Lee up and kisses her, nibbles needily at her bottom lip as she pushes her underwear off and tosses them to the side. She pulls Lee’s hand between her legs and gets two fingers stroking softly inside, Lee’s thumb teasing at her clit.

“Who do you want, huh?” Sofia says into Lee’s mouth.

“Only you,” Lee sighs and starts fucking her fingers into Sofia hard, her palm dragging roughly over Sofia’s clit.

 

Sofia’s joked herself about being a pillow princess, but Lee would hardly call her lazy in bed. She certainly wasn’t when they first got together. She was attentive and present, while Lee got to lose herself. 

It started off soft and romantic, with only looks and touches, holding each other. They didn’t kiss for weeks and didn’t fuck for weeks and weeks after that. It was the emotion that struck her the most, a connection she didn’t think she could feel after Jim, but it was even stronger. Sofia got her through the miscarriage, supported her and kept her breathing. This was after they kissed, but before they fucked, and existed outside of their relationship, but still something she only shared with Sofia. Lee needed that attention, but slowly Lee became the more dominant one, and with that Lee could feel herself changing. She fed on Sofia’s coldness and ruthlessness and in return Sofia fed on Lee’s passion and caring, and they fit perfectly together. 

 

The secret became second nature. In Florida, they were friends and Sofia was Mario’s sister, and the secret was easy, because they didn’t let themselves really think about how they felt outside sex. Lee didn’t realize the attachment until she came back to Gotham, engaged to Mario, and dreadfully missing Sofia; feeling her everywhere she turned like a phantom limb. She dreamt of her and would wake up sweating beside her fiance but thinking only of his sister she’d long since stopped sleeping with. Lee needed Sofia, but the rush of the feeling scared her. Scared her so much she pushed it far down and focused earnestly on destroying and then taking Jim back. So, the secret was tucked away and forgotten until Sofia called saying Jim had come down south and she had a plan; and did Lee still want to take everything from James Gordon?

The necessity of silence came back, and with it the insistence to keep that silence thick and unbreakable. The silence bashed in Lee’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Sofia says quietly, looking away. “I wish…”

“Look at me,” Lee says, not even looking at Sofia herself; instead looking down at her bandaged hand--the hand she’d touched, caressed, and fucked Sofia with not a week earlier. “We talked about this. I took an anaesthetic and I have a trove of painkillers.”

Sofia pouts, her lips swollen from Lee’s biting kisses before her hand had started to ache and she got up to take an aspirin. Lee swipes her thumb over Sofia’s bottom lip and firmer now, says, “look at me.” 

“Let me make it up to you,” Sofia forgoes her pout now and looks up at Lee with a wicked look in her eye.

She swiftly undoes Lee’s pants, pulling them down and Lee’s underwear with them. She lays down on the couch, beckoning Lee over. Lee straddles Sofia’s torso, and slowly walks her knees up until she can feel Sofia’s bruised lips kiss just above her clit. She looks down and catches Sofia’s heated gaze as she sticks her tongue out. They keep their eyes locked as Lee fucks herself torturously slow on Sofia’s tongue.

 

Sofia cuts Lee’s hair, kisses her forehead as she sweeps her bangs to the side. It’s unbearably soft compared to the hardness Lee’s seen from Sofia. She’s always known that the Sofia she gets is only for her and not one the rest of the world gets to see. Even as she seduces Jim and manipulates friendship out of Penguin, Sofia shows a vulnerability that is a lie. And it’s a heady feeling knowing she’s the only who truly knows Sofia inside and out.

When Sofia sweeps away the last of Lee’s cut hair, Lee pulls her down and plants a deep mahogany kiss on her dimple. When Lee pulls away, Sofia smiles down at her, eyes bright and happy.

“You’ve got a little something right there,” Lee teases, and swipes her thumb over the lipstick mark. 

“What will people think,” Sofia says, kneeling down and shuffling in between Lee’s legs. “Dr. Leslie Thompkins kissing the dead?”

“What indeed?” Lee says, and leaves lipstick stains over Sofia’s chin, lips, nose.

Faking Sofia’s death could’ve gone easier and letting Jim die would’ve been the easier choice. This is when Lee realizes she still cares for Jim. Deeply and unconditionally. So, she saves Jim. As a doctor she feels she needs to, but it being  _ Jim _ , she goes on autopilot and stops the bleeding as Jim passes out and Sofia stands up, real blood staining her shirt and fake blood staining her face.

The lipstick looks the same as dried blood and Lee begins to cry. 

“Was this to put Cobblepot’s mind at rest?” Lee says, into Sofia’s hair as she tries to shush her. “I don’t remember anymore.”

“I can’t fault you for saving Jim,” Sofia says.

“You were so disappointed,” Lee says. 

“I wasn’t,” Sofia says, and Lee’s surprised to see she really, truly isn’t lying. “The plan was never to kill him, it was to kill me. He was an acceptable casualty. You saved him because you still care for him and because it’s in your nature. And that’s one of the things I love about you. You help people.”

“More than I can say for you,” Lee says, teasing eyes peeking through her tears.

“Well, that’s my nature,” Sofia says matter-of-factly. “But I love you and I’d do anything for you.”

“You too,” Lee whispers, and dips her head down to catch Sofia’s lips again. 

“Soon,” Sofia breathes softly against Lee’s lips. “Soon we’ll get out of this hellhole and we’ll be in the sun again. And we’ll finally walk together out in the open.”

 

Ed says he understands her, but he really has no idea. Sure, she’s changed and anyone can see that. Ed certainly knows what this particular change is like, but he does underestimate her. That’s why she stabs him, she needs to bring him down, she needs to let him know that as much as he thinks the Riddler knows every inch of the Doc,  _ he doesn’t _ . 

She didn’t count on dying, though. Getting stabbed by Ed, sure, that seemed like a no brainer, but the dying… Well, Lee thought she could’ve at least patched herself up before passing out, but it seems the universe had other plans and she just has to go with them. 

Her vision swims and she closes her eyes, breathing ragged and painful, as she sees Sofia imprinted on her eyelids. It’s a favourite memory of Lee’s and she’s relieved that this will be the last thing tattooed in her mind--Sofia, beautiful and rosy-cheeked, standing in a black and white checked bathing suit on the beach bathed in morning sunlight, looking back at Lee with a rare love filling her eyes. 

 

“It’s so good to hold you again,” Lee says, wrapping herself tightly around Sofia’s lithe form on her weak, creaky bed in the Narrows. 

It’s the first place Sofia comes when she gets in to Gotham, she tells Lee. She needed to feel enveloped by Lee again. It’s been months since they’ve seen each other and even longer since they were together.

“Without Mario, without Jim,” Sofia says, harshly. “We’ll say goodbye to everything. I have work to do before we can, but…” she turns in Lee’s arms and looks up with big, earnest eyes. “We’ll find a beach somewhere and we’ll make love and make a life.”

Lee kisses Sofia all over, needing her like she’s never needed food nor air, whispering “I missed you”s soft but insistent into soft skin.

**Author's Note:**

> i was gonna allude to jimwald but i forgot so maybe i'll like idk write a sequel or some shit.


End file.
